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The thing about being home-schooled by a single mother and then going on to work in female-based careers is that I am a feminist not by design but because I never learned how NOT to be one.  Being female and independent is simply who I am.  It is only as I have grown older that I have begun to see where my viewpoint differs from the world at large.

One of the stranger transitions I have made in my life was attending a family ward after growing too old to participate in singles wards.  Now, to clarify, I love singles wards.  They provide unparalleled opportunities for growth, socialization, and service for young members of the church.  The transition from being in the YW program to a Relief Society filled with women who are of similar age is a comfortable one.  The fact that singles wards are supposed to be a place to find a mate was just a bonus.   I was busy playing and serving and learning in the gospel and wasn't all that distressed when I didn't get married.

Thus, when I felt it was time for me to move on to a family ward and find new opportunities to serve, I was shocked to discover that speaking to the male members of my new ward was somehow unallowable.  Shocked not because I had any designs on anyone but because it was just so rude!   I simply didn’t exist unless the man was in a position of “leadership” (i.e. home teacher, bishopric, etc…) or there was business to be done.  This was (obviously) a huge change from the singles wards and rather upsetting because I enjoy talking to people.  I decided I must have been branded a “loose woman” and talking to me would somehow be a lapse in propriety.  I also couldn’t conceive of it being anything but personal to me.  It was personal, wasn’t it?

When I discussed it with a married friend in the ward she laughed at me.  No, Susan, it isn’t personal.  It’s just a rule.  No conversation over forty-five seconds with a member of the opposite sex unless one or all spouses are present.  My lack of a spouse just meant the rule was always in effect for me. 

I added this rule to the list of other odd rules I would laugh over with my other (male and female) single friends.  And over the years I have tried to justify it in my head, thinking of it perhaps as a safety margin for adultery control, or as a sign of respect for one’s own spouse lest they inadvertently grow jealous.  I, after all, am not married so I can’t really know, right?

I’m starting to think it’s wrong.  After all isn’t Zion defined by being of one heart and one mind?  Doesn’t Paul ask the saints in Corinth to have no divisions?  Or call the Galatians foolish and teach them that there is no consideration for Jew or Greek, bond or free, male or female, but that we are all one in Christ?  The Lord himself in D&C says that if we are not one we aren’t His.

I’m not exactly sure what being united in Christ looks like but I am sure I can be doing something to help this process move forward.   I need to remember that I am charged to strengthen my sisters AND my brothers in the gospel.   And, if I can’t do that in forty-five seconds, well then maybe I’ll just have to be really radical and make the conversation last a whole minute!